The Cancer Chronicles, Pt. 23: Of Coffins and Insurance Companies
April 1, 2006 – 4:34 pm | by Trey(this is pretty close to the actual phone call Friday)
Riiiiiinnnnnng!
“Mmmpphhhhh….”
Riiiiiiinnnnnnnnggggggg!!
“Whaaaa? Mmmpphhhhh….”
Rrriiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnggggggg!!!!!!!!
“What? Yeah? This is Trey.”
“I’m looking for Trey Barker.”
“Yeah, this is me.”
“Trey, I want to talk to you about coffins. I’m selling them. Scratch and dent coffins. Real cheap.”
“What? Sorry, I’m a little foggy, I was asleep. Been sick today.”
“Sorry to wake you.”
“Less you than someone calling about coffins.”
“Scratch and dent. Pretty cheap.”
“Sean, is that you?”
“Who?”
“Uh…nothing. Why are you calling me?”
“I’ve got coffins, real nice coffins.”
“Nice? Like Pimp My Coffin?”
“No, no, scratch and dent. I’ve been calling but no one answers their phone.”
“They who?”
“On the list. They wouldn’t answer so I called you.”
“To sell me a scratch and dent coffin.”
“Not unless you need one.”
“Uh…don’t think so but maybe check back in a few days?”
“Tell me about HauntCon.”
“Handicam?”
“HauntCon.”
“What in the fuck are you talking about?”
“I’ve got a few scratch and dent coffins, I thought I might go to the convention, see if I can sell them.”
“Why did you call me?”
“World Horror Convention…in San Francisco. Thought you might have an idea about dealer spaces.”
“For scratch and dent coffins.”
“Yeah, and at Hauntcon, too.”
“I’ve never heard of Hauntcon.”
“But you know the World Horror Convention, right?”
“My name’s on the Board’s website.”
“Right, I called from that website. No one else would answer.”
“Didn’t want to talk about coffins no doubt.”
“Right.”
“Come on, who is this, really?”
“Uh…maybe I have the wrong number?”
“Maybe. Tell you what, you should call Alan B–, owns Borderlands bookstore in San Francisco. He’s the big wheel with World Horror this year. I’m not going — health problems — but he can help you out.”
“You’re not going?”
“No.”
“Health problems?”
“Yeah.”
“So, you need a coffin?”
**********
I’ve mentioned before that my insurance company has done pretty well by me since all this started. With the exception of taking too long to decide I could do the shots at home, they’ve been pretty good.
I hate to say this, because I’m as anti-insurance premium and company as the next Red-Blooded American, but over the last two days, my insurance company has jumped to the top of my Good Guy list.
Originally, I was under the impression my monthly batches of Interferon would come automatically. Surprise surprise, I was wrong. I have to reorder every month, takes a couple of weeks to get in. So I ended up in a situation where the new meds weren’t going to be here until Monday while my current batch ran out last Thursday.
Left me with no treatment for today.
So I called the company, explained what was what, asked if I should head to Perry Memorial Hospital (and I’m I the only one creeped out by a hospital being named ‘Memorial?’) to get a treatment.
Without getting too boring, it turned into a nightmare of finances and who actually had the medicine in stock in this little town I’ve chosen to call home. Too expensive to go to the hospital. No Interferon in stock at my oncologist’s local office. None at any of the local pharmacies.
So these two women, Dawn at the insurance company and Lisa at Kirby Henning pharmacy, traded a shitload of phone calls and got me hooked up. Got me the exact meds I needed, the right syringes (remember, I don’t like the big ones…they hurt!) and all for FREE!!!
I had already paid for the next month’s worth of Interferon and at first, the single treatment was going to cost me $1000 (a week’s worth, can’t sell it in packs less than that). Then it was going to cost the 20% co-pay. Then just my regular $150 cap. Then Dawn decided that since I’d already paid the $150 for the month, she wasn’t going to let me pay anything.
Dawn and Lisa are my current favorite chicks, bending over so far backward their spines probably snapped. All for little ‘ol me.
Hell, if the coffin had worked that hard for me, I probably would’ve bought one.
2 Responses to “The Cancer Chronicles, Pt. 23: Of Coffins and Insurance Companies”
By tjcrowley on Apr 1, 2006 | Reply
I have noticed that the WHC has a large percentage of people interested in it that will call every single number and email every single address on the site except for the one they need to call or write to. My official recommendation to future conventions will be to make One Point of Contact for all things, and hire a damned message service to direct the calls or something. It’s a bit frustrating, but then I remind myself that as stupid as the average person is, by definition half of everyone is even more stupid than that.
At any rate, this made me smile today.
By anonymous on Apr 2, 2006 | Reply
You are my favorite eldest son! Thanks for the morning hee-haw. Love, om